The Great British Turd

Having gone through singing, dancing, other talents, baking, and potting knock-out competitions, we are now pleased to announce the latest - The Great British Turd.

Contestants will be judged by a panel of very well paid, and otherwise unemployed celebrities, who we had previously forgotten, or never heard of to begin with.  The performance of contestants will be measured by duration of the bowel motion, as well as on the quality of the turd itself, which will be assessed according to the Bristol scale, as well as on length, thickness, colour, and weight.

Further series involving a range of similarly otherwise unemployed celebrities are also planned.

The first series is scheduled to appear, hopefully, never, but nothing would be surprising now.